Valerma's Story

[Received April 2011]

Dear UK AISSG Group,

I want to contribute on the personal story section and I believe my story will inspire all people affected by this condition and related one. I can send to you some of my information and some of my pics so you will see me and really this is me. I want to share my story also in this site for our readers specially to all intersex people like me and I hope this will be a lesson to everyone. Here’s my story. I hope to join your group and I'm looking forward to see my story publish in your group soon. Thanks and more power on your mission. God bless!

I am Valerma, 31 years old from the continent of Southeast Asia, I was born with the condition of Ovotestis or know as “True Hermaphrodite” meaning I possess both the male and female genitalia, so weird and so freak but this is the reality. I don’t want to specify and describe how it looks just imagine a person having both sex organ.

My story was very colorful and full of drama and I hope you will learn from it, not only entertain but learn from the lesson of it. To begin with I want you to know my family background. My father is just a laborer and no permanent job and my mother is just a plain housewife. That’s why I always asking God why he created me in this way and I was born in a poor family not unlike many AIS people who born in a comfortable life and then they have their operation in their early age. Unlike me I was born with this condition and with poor family so until now at my age I never had the operation at all. I want to have a normal life and a family of my own someday that is one of my wildest dream that I’m looking forward to it in the future.

Worst thing is that I was born in a poor family with no education at all and have no knowledge about my condition. I was born in a normal delivery with a traditional midwife in a remote area. So Imagine what was the reaction of the midwife and my parents when they saw my gender [genital appearance] for the first time, they were shock and don’t know if I’m a female or male. My case was not a secret to my relatives and to all our neighbors out there. To tell you, what they think of me was a freak and this was their first time to see a human like me.

As a practice in this region it’s good if your first born child is a male so he will carry the surname of the family and will be the right hand of the father in all terms of matters. As a result of the ignorance and lack of education of my parents they registered me as male in the local civil registrar in our town without consulting my case to a specialist, and lack of money of course. But they brought me to a local medical doctor in our town and let the doctor examine my genitals, then the doctor advise my parents to let me grow first and reach my puberty stage then after that they will decide of what gender I will follow.

As a matter of fact during my 1 year as a child my parents brought me to a toy store and they let me choose from among the toys which includes toy guns, trucks, balls and a doll. To their surprise I pick up the doll from among the items that was there infront of me. So the extinct of female characteristic and hormone was there during my early age. But still my father want me to become a boy because I’m his first child who carries his name. As I grow up I like to have playmates with girls than boys in my age and I want to dress up in a girl dress, so as my mother extinct she dress me in a girl’s dress. But this not go well because my name was in male form so when I attended the grade school my mother dress me in a boy’s dress which confuses me because I feel I’m a girl and why I wear a boy’s dress. My parents by the way never care for my condition at all, as long as they see me healthy outwardly then that’s fine with them.

I still remember the shameful act I did in my grade 1 flag ceremony, that was the first day of the school year I’m wearing short and T-shirt as school uniform for boys and then I fall in line with girls in my age. So what the teacher told me then, she put me in the boys line and she tells me why I go with girls when I’m a boy. That’s the beginning of my confusion and my fear as a child why I was different from the girls of my age, they wear girls dress then why I wear boys’ dress. Then I’m asking myself why I have the different genitals compared to my brothers? Because I have only 2 brothers.

Because my parents don’t bother to explain to me my condition and never in their life to talk to me about my case that’s why in my early age I learn to depend in myself and isolate myself to the judging eye of the people around me. I feel descrimation and low self-esteem for myself at my own home because I feel my father was so shameful to my condition especially when there are friends ands other people who comes in our house then I feel my father was so shame on me as his child.

Well, I was raised in a Christian home where in my parents taught us to be a God fearing children, in my young age I become matured the way I think and face the reality of life this is how God created me so I must to accept it and deal with it even often times my playmates teased me because they know my condition that I’m different from them so they keep shun on me and bullying me of neutral human (either male or female). It hurts me and often times I go home crying and alone. I don’t know if my parents have this feeling of being hurt same as me.

During my puberty stage, I never developed breast at all, but hairs started to grow in my genitals and some part of my body like armpit. I do have pubic hair not unlike those PAIS [CAIS, rather than PAIS] who don’t have at all. I first encountered the word Hermaproditism during my biology class in my second year in high school that time my teacher discusses the lesson about plants, animals and human hermaproditism which I feel interested much coz I know then that is what my condition is. Mind you during the class discussion there was a classmate of mine who interrupted our teacher and he shouted in the class I have one example of that and he pointed on me. I was so embarrassed that time and feel shame but because my condition was an open book to everyone in the school then I have nothing to do but to accept it.

By the way during my puberty stage I’m taller than girls and boys in my age, my body was so slim and I was an athelete of the school then competing in the track & field (marathon) contest I won so much medals & trophies in the competition from school to school and I gain prestige from what this talent I have before. I also played softball and basketball which also my expertise in the sport. I never been to National level as marathon athlete because during that time there was another case of an Intersex athlete in the national level who’ve been question about her gender and she was prohibited to join the competition in the national level because of this and what they think this is fraud and she is not a true female. Her case is same like me and my coach didn’t allow me to join the national competition also because he worries about my scandal and it may lead to scandals and will ruin my reputation.

I got my first monthly period at the age of 14, yes I got menstruated for the first time and I was so happy that time to know that I got my ovulation for the first time. That was the time my mother decided to register me again as female in our local civil registrar without due process and without consulting any lawyer about my case. But before this thing happened during my grade school because I was transferred to another school in my grade 3 level because of the bullying of my schoolmate then the school I attended that time decided to dress me as a girl and I treat me as a girl because they saw my actions as a true girl that’s why starting that time I’m a girl. Despite the bullying and teasing I got from school this not hinders me to finish my secondary level because I promise myself I will finish my study even we are very poor in order for me to have a good future and in order for me to have an operation the time I have enough money for the operation.

So I go to college, more challenges and more pressure from the schoolmates and teacher’s asking if I’m a male or female because of my physical features because this time my height is 5’8 which is not normal to a typical Asian height and my body was so athletic and very slim. Another burden of me was that my parents cannot support my college study so despite my condition I worked hard as working student in the college so I can have a free tuition fee and I can finish my course. Yes, it’s very hard to cope up with the judging eye of people around and to work while you study. But this not make me give up instead I took this as a challenge and an inspiration so even to the extent of giving up because I feel I’m so tired physically and mentally because of the pressure in study and work plus the judging eye of people but still I moved on and continue my study. At last I got a college diploma for 4 years in business and I’m proud of my achievements because I work hard for it. Tears and perspiration are my foundation in achieving this diploma. My parents was so proud of me and my mentors also because despite of they know who I am I never give up to reach my dreams in life.

I got jobs and this new life for me to work in the business world. In my workplace nobody knew I was an intersex and I was working smoothly and happy though it’s hard to compete and even the salary is not that good in our place. After a year my father died of tragic accident and it happened that being the eldest I have the responsibility of supporting the family in financial aspect. So because I’m not contented to the salary I got and it’s not also enough for us I decided to apply to work abroad.

I apply for passport using my name in female because I’ve been using that since my last 24 years of existence in this world. Well, the thing is that the government are so much strict that time and they need so much supporting documents to submit in order for me to issue a passport and it’s not easy that time because they keep on questioning again my gender because of what they saw on me I was so tall which is not suitable for Asian girl and my body was so slim, meaning sexy (lol) but still I got my passport in my girls name so far. I apply for the country with the latest technology because the salary attracted me and when I was chosen as one of the contract worker their I’m starting to dream that I can give my family a comfortable life and I can have my operation in due time. Everything went smoothly until finally I got the visa but when the embassy of that country found out I have 2 birth certificate with same information and only the name and gender is different then this cause me problem and they cancel my visa and never let me continue on. I was so desperate and I want to end up my life that time because this is the only hope I had in order for me to help my family and to earn money for my operation but life really is unfair to me ever since my life begun. I view my life as very unfair because this is not my choice of being born with Intersex condition and why do I suffer the consequences of it. And why people never understand that this is not my choice and only I need to go work abroad in order for me to have an operation to live a normal life.

To correct the mistakes of my parents on my duplicitous birth certificate I went to the court to file a petition to correct my gender and my name in my 1st certificate because that is the prevailing one as the civil registrar advise me. Then the court requires me to undergo chromosome examination to check whether I am a male or a female then that makes me frustrated and tortured again because I was already check by a local doctor and he certifies that I’m a female but still the court want the result of chromosomes exams on my blood and karyotyping. So I went to the Government Hospital in the Capital of my country and have done a lot of test and the last thing that they will do to me was the karyotyping, which I am afraid to know and though that is a government hospital I need to pay a big amount for the karyotyping exam which that time I don’t have that amount of money so I never had the last step of my exam and still my petition not yet finish.

I almost lost my life, my faith and my family this time, all of us was so much affected by this because my family expect me to go there and work and they are expecting a big help from me. Couple of months my life was ruin by this scenario I did not act normal and never enjoy my life. I always question God why you do this to me, why me with this kind of condition. I have so much good plans for my family, I have so much dream for myself then why me? I never attended the church for a couple of months never pray anymore because I’m a praying person in my life. Since my life begun I was exposed to religious things that’s why I believe in God so much and I never engage in any sexual matters because that is against my belief. I trust God so much but during that time I lost my faith totally but still God is so good and He keeps on holding me in the midst of my failure and depression. He gives me a new direction and I started to gain my life again and I started to work again in our local area.

After a year I got an offer to work in Middle East, This my second time again to apply then I got it but unfortunately I got a very low salary and the company I’m working with was a low profile company and my boss was so rude and not honest.

This time I got a computer of my own and I started to search and look for my condition from website to website until I found out this [AISSG] site and beginning to browse every information I got. Before I was thinking I was alone in this condition and been isolated in my life because I’m different from others. But now I found this site and also other Intersex site which caters to the information I need.

Now I started my HRT which I never had before and never in my life to been told to take HRT before in order for me to develop a female body but now I begin to feel the effects of the HRT on my body and it really helps me a lot. Hopefully as I got used to HRT then my body goes on. Now I got a nice body shape and I feel I’m so beautiful inside and outside. Honestly I have so much suitors and admirer’s here in this country because they see me very attractive and sweet and lovely. This is the effect of the HRT that I’m taking now, but still I’m so worried because still I never had the operation for Vaginoplasty. The opening of my vagina is very small and I need to remove the small male organ and to reconstruct my vagina. But my problem is my resources and still I don’t have enough money for it. Because even I’m working here in Middle East my salary is not ample for my family needs because I’m supporting my family and my brother in his study. I want to have the operation the soonest because I’m getting old now and I want to have my own family in the future and I want to have a future husband who will accept me of who I am. I still believe I can have my own kid because God can perform a miracle in a person’s life just like what He did to Sarah & Abraham in the Bible.

Thanks for reading my story and I hope you will learn from it not only entertained but learn from the lesson of life. To those parents who have Intersex child or children do what you think is best for your child so that he/she will not suffer the hardship I undergo in my life and to those Intersex people like me Yes we are created in a special way with a special purpose in this world. I just hope that you accept of who you are and enjoy of who you are and wish if you plan to marry then I wish you can find the right person to love and care for you and accept you wholeheartedly the way God created you.

I’m looking forward to be an instrument in my own country to be a living testimony in order for us to give a special protection on amending our legislation so that we have the right to choose our own gender and let there be an ear in the legislation for equal right among us. I want also to meet AIS people around the globe to be getting to know each other and be an inspiration with each other by God’s grace and time.

I just wish there is somebody who will extend help to me in my operation and can help me in anyway for my condition because I want to live a normal life and I’m looking forward to it. Yes many people say I’m have the body and the face of a beautiful woman but how can have the normal life if I will not undergo a procedure that will make my life complete and who will be the one with good heart to offer me such help?

May God bless us all and wish my story enlighten you. Thank you.

Sincerely yours,

I attach [a copy of] my [graduation] photo, [and] my passport.

P.S. anyone interested in contacting me kindly give my contact details thank you.

---