Sue's Story

[Received Feb 2001]

To whom it may concern,

Having found the AISSG website a few months ago I could not believe my luck. Here were answers to many questions that I have been wanting to ask, but because of the shame and stigmas attached have found that I could never talk about. I was born in 1950, the middle "daughter" of 5 children. At an early age I felt different, always wondered why I was a girl, did boy things, climbed trees, played football and toy soldiers.

When my youngest sister was 5 years old a lump was discovered in her groin, she had surgery to repair a "hernia" and myself and the second youngest sister were taken into hospital for tests. I was eleven years old, and will never forget the humiliation that these tests entailed. I was totally unaware of many of the questions asked and was made to feel abnormal. After these tests were made, we were sent home. I remember my mother telling me that we would never be able to have babies of our own but at that age, and also due to the fact I wanted to be a boy, it did not sink in. The subject was never discussed in our family again, not until I asked why, at 16, I did not have periods like other girls my age. I was told I never would menstruate and that it was one of those things I would have to live with.

I left school and went to work with horses and was happy for several years. You know where you are with animals, they never judge or mock you. I had several failed relationships, I could not have sex due to a very short vagina. I soon learned not to interact with boys and put myself fully into my work. At the age of 40, I was "done". I had testes removed and went into full menopausal mode. I was put on HRT, Premarin and then Livial, but both types gave me violent headaches and mood swings. I have taken myself off HRT now and feel a lot better. It may sound silly, but I have felt a different person since the operation, a part of me is missing, I often feel depressed and miserable, I have put on weight, and have developed breasts.

Anyway, I have learned such a lot from the site. I never realised there were so many people like me and just wanted to say thank you.

I have CAIS.