Maya's Story

[Received June 2002]

Hi, my name is Maya and I'm 31 years old. Happily married and on my way for having my first child, assisting a surrogate mother. This is the end of what started as huge shock for me at the age of 17.5. My story is long, and has many aspects. I'm writing here only those who guided my life to where I am today.

At the age of 12 I waited to have my period, but it did not arrive. I waited for my pubic hair, but it didn't grow. I had small breasts (I was skinny). At the age of 16 my mother took me to the doctors, it took them a year and a half of uncomfortable tests to diagnose me as an AIS patient. I remember my years as teenager as the worst of my life. I could not cope with difficulties, everything was difficult; I always felt as a child and behaved as one so I wasn’t popular also. I had no self-confidence I hated my life.

School was dreadful, from being an A student I became C student and not because I didn’t try. At that time we found out that this is a family problem but it was not comfort at any way, on the contrary it made me fill [feel?] our family as a strange creature. My mother didn’t know how to help me she was still mourning herself. At the age of 20 I had my operation to remove the tissues, and from that moment my life had changed. I knew I needed to see Doctors only once in 6 month, just for blood check, and beside that I'm free from this AIS for the next future. The hormones I took grout [grew?] my breast.

I left my city, I founded a job, I start to date man, I was popular and I was looking good. When I had my first serious boyfriend we dated for 2 years, although I didn’t tell him I think he felt something. I thought his family is not open minded enough to accept me as there daughter in law, although they really loved me. I told my second boy friend after a year. We stayed together for another year but since I told him, nothing was the same. His mother was very upset from our separate [separation?] she really loved me and didn’t mind my infertility. I was always afraid from the reaction of my boyfriend's family. I knew that our relationship wouldn’t last without their support.

I met my husband at work. After we dated for a year he came to live with me and I told him. It took him another year until he really thought about it and realizes that if we continue, we will have to find a different way to have children. I pressured him to decide whether he stays with me - and we get married or not. I knew he loved me very much and he had to decide about having his own children or marring me and adopt. We didn’t know about surrogacy at that time. I encourage him to talk with his family, they were very supportive, they said that my ability to have children or not should not affect his decision if marrying me or not.

So now we are married, as I said, on our way for having our first child. Life is beautiful now. It took me time to talk about myself. When I'm telling people about me not able to have children, I'm not telling about AIS. Only few people knows about it. I have no problem to talk about my infertility but cannot talk easily about AIS. No doubt it affected my life, I think it made some bad and good things in my life, yet it made my life difficult. I don’t look back; I try today to help my 2 nieces to cope with the knowledge of being an AIS Patient, I'm concentrating in my unborn baby and the every day life in Israel.