Di's Story

[Received June 2006]

Hi! I want to thank you for establishing this website and support group. I've spent last few hours reading through tons of pages and I learned so much! I have always known groups like this existed, but I never really had the courage to look for them.

I'm 20 and I have AIS and have known I was different since I can remember. I was a baby when they discovered that. I had some sort of swellings and developed abnormalities in abdomen area and genitalia. They did some testings and discovered I was XY. The diagnosis was 'hermaphroditus maskulinus' (I really hate that term!). When I was very young (less than 6), mother told me I "was different" and that I had to undergo surgeries. She also told me I shouldn't be telling it to anyone. Not much more was said.

I always thought that people around me saw me as different, sometimes strange or unique. Now I know that that was all in my head. When I was in my early teens mom had a short conversation with me - she told me I will never have children, not even periods, that I will marry someday with a guy who will love me and we will adopt children together. I guess this conversation was much harder for my mother. She was very nervous and wanted to talk about it more but I already knew subconsciously what she had told me and didn't have any desire to talk about it further.

I had to undergo gonadectomy. After that they put me on hormone supplement treatment. Later I was told by my gynechologist that if I was to have a serious boyfriend, I must tell her and that I needed another operation. I felt shocked and fell into depression. I was born in a Muslim family, so there was NO talk about sex. Noone ever told me it would be a bit difficult for me. My older sisters knew very little of my condition (they still are puzzled about it). I'm thinking about telling them all... I haven't been able to talk to anyone about it. I've since had few boyfriends, but no relationship was serious. I've had some close friends since childhood, but there's very little I could tell them.

I used to cry a lot, I was intraverted, it was really easy to make me cry. People tell me that I'm attractive all the time, but I have never felt like that. For the last few years I've been concentrating on my studies and career, but I'm starting to realize that I can have quite a normal life. I just know there's a partner out there I can confide in.

That's all from me for now.
Di from Slovenia

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