Crystal's Story

I was always unusually aware that I would not be able to have children. It's like God prepared me for what I am experiencing now. I always figured that I would adopt if my future husband and I decided to raise a family. Here goes with my story.

I was 15 years old when I had surgery to remove "my ovaries." Or at least that's what I thought was being removed. I am the oldest of 3 girls and when both my sisters had started developing hair and gotten their periods I was really beginning to worry.

I never felt too confident about my appearance. Looking back on my past I guess it all makes sense knowing what I know now. I was always very tall for a girl and for my age. I never had skin problems like my sisters. Luckily I was raised with Christian beliefs and did not experiment with sex or foreplay at an early age. Otherwise, I may have discovered things about my body that I did not need to know prior to my operation. Even as I am typing my story I am realizing that my experiences with the opposite sex did not take place until after my surgery.

Anyway, my mom took me to see a Gynaecologist that went to church with us. It's hard to remember all the details but I seem to recall a lot of tests and family history being discussed. It may be helpful to know that my sister also suffers from a genetic disorder called Alopecia Arieta. (If that is the correct spelling for it.) It causes a person's hair to fall out all over the body including the hair on her head.) The sister who has this disorder is the youngest of the three of us. I am 33, I have another sister who is 32 and the youngest mentioned above is 31.

Upon examination by my doctor and with my parents knowledge I was told that my ovaries had not developed properly due to cyst that covered them. I was told that the cyst was not cancerous but that the ovaries had remained as a babies ovaries and that was why I had never developed hair in the usual places and never had a period. The doctor explained that I would undergo surgery and that I would need to come back for a full examination once a year to make sure that everything was okay. He said that this was for hormonal therapy. (Premarin 2.5 miligrams) to be taken daily. He explained that dependent on my bodies reliance on my ovaries I may or may not develop hair with hormonal replacement. I never have developed hair. The thing I have always enjoyed about that is that I don't have to use deodorant.

I never really questioned anything after that until about a year ago when I found out that my doctor had retired and I decided to seek out another doctor. Upon that visit to the new doctor. She seemed concerned about the reason for my high dosage of premarin and asked if I would like her to obtain my medical records. I was a little excited about this prospect because I always had lingering unanswered questions about the whole thing and I thought she might be able to give me some more information.

It might be helpful to know that I was told about an operation that was performed on me as an infant due to a double hernia. I got this crazy idea that maybe the doctor who did that operation did not put things back where they were supposed to go and that it caused my ovaries not to develop. Little did I know what was to come.

A few weeks later the new doctor called me and wanted me to come in for a consultation visit to discuss her findings. I was somewhat concerned because I did not understand why she couldn't just tell me over the phone. Anyway, I agreed to come in that week.

When the doctor came into the room I sensed her concerns about how to address this issue with me. She decided to ask me if I wanted the whole facts or just the information that was pertinent to my treatment. I thought what a loaded question. She then went on the explain that I was born with CAIS and that my blood test indicated that I should have been born a male but due to my defective receptors my body would not respond to testosterone and that I was born a female instead. Well needless to say I was shocked out of my gore. I cried all the way back to the office and eventually had to take a half day off of work to deal with this emotional roller coaster I was on.

When I left the office, I drove to a park nearby and just cried for another 20 minutes or so before calling my mother at work. We decided that I would meet her at a restaurant near her work and that she would call my dad and have him meet us there.

My parents confirmed what the doctor had told me and said that they wished that this doctor had thought about contacting them or my previous doctor to discuss the matter before telling me. I still don't know if I have gotten the whole truth. I am concerned that vaginal surgery may have been done and that they won't tell me the truth because there afraid of my reaction.

After meeting with my parents I had to figure out how to go home to my husband and not let on that anything was wrong all in the same day. What a joke! My husband and father reacted as if they don't understand why I am so upset about this whole thing. My husband said that I am the the same person I have been for over 30 years and that I could not tell him anything that would change the way he feels about me and his love for me. For this I am grateful to God. I know that it take a special man to overlook something this shocking. My husband said that it is silly to be concerned because that if someone told him that he was really supposed to be a female when he was born, he would laugh because he enjoys all the things that men enjoy. He sits on his couch watching football, he chews tobacco and passes gas as he pleases and he doesn't know any women who would do that. Of course, he made me laugh and I know that what he is trying to say is that I look like a girl and feel like a girl and enjoy all the things that a girl enjoys and therefore I must be a girl.

I am trying to figure out a way to go to the next meeting. I really think it will help me to meet other CAIS women. I live in Georgia so it will be very expensive but my husband says that if that's what I would like to do he will support me. I just wish I could meet someone who lives here in Georgia rather that travelling across the country just to meet a pen pal or a friend with something in common.

Please pray that if it is God's will that I attend the meeting that he will provide a way.

God Bless!