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House Episode: 'Skin Deep'

Most of the one-hour episode comprises reams of incidental banter, some dialogue surrounding the possible reason for 15 year-old supermodel Alex having collapsed on the catwalk (and who, it had been mentioned in passing, has never had a period) and some speculation as to whether the girl's father has paedophiliac tendencies. Then there is the following exchange, right at the end of the episode:

Alex's [Hospital] Room

House: We found a tumor.

Dad: She has cancer.

House: Technically, no.

Dad: So it's not cancer?

House: No, it's cancer. But, he has cancer, on his left testicle.

Alex: I don't have testicles.

Dad: She's not a guy.

House: His DNA says you're wrong. Frogs and snails and puppy dog tails.
You've got male pseudohermaphroditism. See we all start out as girls and
then we're differentiated based on our genes. The ovaries develop into
testes and drop. But in about 1 in 150,000 pregnancies a fetus with an XY
chromosome, a boy, develops into something else. Like you. Your testes
never descended because you're immune to testosterone. You're pure
estrogen, which is why you get heightened female characteristics; clear
skin, great breasts. The ultimate woman is a man. Nature's cruel, huh?

Dad: This is obviously a joke, this is impossible.

House: No, a joke would be me calling you a homo. See the difference? I'll
schedule him for surgery.

Alex: (She gets out of bed.) No, you're wrong. I'm a girl. (She pulls off
her gown.) Look at me! How could you say I'm not a girl? See! They're all
looking at me. I'm beautiful!

House: Anger, it's just the cancer talking. Put your clothes back on. I'm
going to cut your balls off. Then you'll be fine. (She covers up, crying
and looks at her dad who turns to look out the window.)

Cuddy: How's the patient.

House: Post op. I sent 'him slash her' up for a psyche visit.

Cuddy: Calling her 'him slash her' isn't really helping.

House: Good news is, I don't think dad's going to be sleeping with 'him slash her' again. See, now it's gross. I need another shot.

Cuddy: When did the pain start coming back?

House: A few hours ago.

Cuddy: About an hour after you solved the case.

House: If I wanted to be psychoanalyzed I'd get Wilson to give me the shot.

Cuddy: Same dosage?

House: If you would be more comfortable, I might be able to deal with a
few CC's less morphine.

Cuddy: It wasn't morphine.

House: What did you give me? I told you I wanted--

Cuddy: It was saline, I gave you a placebo. (She leaves him standing there
looking contemplative.)

Piano playing Bach's French Suite #5 in G major Allemande; cut to House
playing the piece from memory. His vicodin is sitting on top of the piano.
He hits the wrong note, stops playing, opens the bottle and pours out the
pills. He takes one as Desire starts to play again. Fade out on him
sitting at the piano.

END